Here we go again

November 14, 2017

Well my mind is racing. My brain is fried. My eyes are heavy and there isn’t much I haven’t tried. Sleep eludes me tonight but with the list of things on my plate I suppose it is for the best. The song by Dolly Parton is playing in my head —“Here you come again, just when I thought…” That would be the story of my life right now.

Let’s back up to this summer. I was feeling fine. The scale was going in the right direction. My energy level was good. Yet, I’d get a catch in my hip when I’d “over do” it as I’m prone to doing. I’d take it easy for a day or two and I’d baby the hip and soon it was back to normal. Nothing to worry about I said. Just getting older I told myself.

Yet the pain was starting to rule my days and nights. Those who know me well know that my pain threshold is quite high so when you graduate from over the counter to mixes of over the counter and twice the recommended dosage of over the counter and then call for a script and get it filled only to take it and take some more I decided I was in trouble.

Trouble with a capital T to be exact. Scans. Check. More scans. Does that look like a ?? Yes, that’s a mass. A big black hole of a mass. Great. This isn’t happening. This is Jason’s senior year. I’m a senior football mom. I will not be stopped. Worse yet, the pain was because it was wrapping around my sciatic nerve. The more active I was…the worse the pain became.

The chemo they prescribed started off low and graduated with each dose. Twice a week for 8 weeks ending with Week 10 of Football Season.  Thanks to my family and close friends who got me through. One Friday night after a game, I was wiped out. My head was between my knees and the room spun. But I put the brave face on and did what needed to be done and cheered until the clock read 0:00.

By the end of the season I was tired but the pain was less. The meds had to be working.

Scans confirmed that thought as the mass was reduced by 75 percent over the past 8 weeks. The prescription is 12 more weeks of treatments but at just one per week.

I’ve chosen Wednesday afternoons for treatment that way if I need some recovery time I’ll be able to take it as these doses will all be equal to the strength of the final one I got in the first round. That one knocked me down a few pegs without a doubt.

I’m prepping and making lists of things I can do if I’m not feeling real well later in the week. I’m organizing lists of things that need done that I can ask others to help me with in case I need it. That is a hard thing for me to do—asking for help—I give it freely but asking for it…well..that’s another story. I would like to think I’m self sufficient. I’m a cat I guess you could say. I want things on my terms when I want it. Boy, God sure knows my heart there. I’m independent but if something is needed, don’t worry I’m there. I’ll pull you through, do whatever needs done to make dreams come true. But when it comes to accepting that from others…let’s just say I may need some catnip.

I was reading in my devotional this morning about being stubborn. Yes, that is my middle name at times. Okay, so more often than not…lol. My husband can tell you all about how stubborn and iron-willed I can be. Yet our cat can tell you what a softie I can be. Now our son, he can tell you I’m both things.

So here’s to starting over again…let’s do these next 12 weeks which will take us to the last week of January 2018. If this round goes as well as the last, the next set of scans should be a piece of cake. I won’t say it is going to be an easy gig but it will be worth it.

I sat and ordered Jason’s cap and gown today. Five year ago when the word cancer became larger than life for us, I was worried I wouldn’t see him graduate…but here we are.

God knows my heart. I’ve learned that things are on His time, not mine…even when I beg to differ…


As I began writing this I’ve been “not feeling well” for a month.

I have visited the ER – twice. I have seen my family doctor. I visited a surgeon. I went back to the doctors in OB Oncology at The Stephanie Spielman Center in Columbus as part of The James and Ohio State University. I was at OSU Wexner Medical Center last Thursday for a biopsy of a mass in my abdomen.

My hope and prayer has been we will have an answer as to what “it” is and that will trigger a treatment plan. My doctor told me it would be three business days, not including the day the procedure takes place to hear results.

I don’t know that I’ve ever been so scared. Yes, there is a possibility that this is cancer again in a different form. There is a small chance it’s an infection of some sort or scar tissue of some nature. Those are three options on the table.

Waiting to find out which one has been precarious thus far. It has let me do a lot of thinking. I realized this “pain” has actually been around for more than a month but I brushed it off as getting older. It started in April when I first started my walking routine back up for the spring. My hip would throb after I was done. I’d take a Tylenol and it would vanish by the end of the day. I never thought twice about it. I wish I would have – maybe we could have found “it” earlier and it would change the outcome.

I’ve never scaled my life as far back as I have in the past month. I’ve barely covered the basics. My husband and son have been saints. They have taken up all the slack at home and yet both take the time to sit and talk to me and make me not feel like a human pin cushion despite my feelings to the contrary. Even when it hasn’t been easy – they are there and in with both feet.

God knows that patience with things involving me is not my forte. I’ve gotten better but this is pushing every ounce of constraint I have to not call every hour to see if my results are in.

Yet as many situations have taught me — everything happens for a reason.

The second visit to the ER resulted in me meeting a nurse who was going through the tests to determine her own cancer status. Seeing the fear in her eyes helped me to see past my own fear and pain to reach out to her and offer an understanding that no one else could have offered her at that moment.

I came into the office one evening to a voicemail from the daughter of a woman named Linda who I corresponded with during my first cancer walk. She was one of the reasons I put together “50 Shades of Hope – Cancer Has Many Colors.” She was the first person I put together the series for in book form after it was done. She had helped her husband battle cancer a dozen times. She helped her daughter battle. She was diagnosed and that book helped her. Her daughter called and left me a message – telling me how much her mother showed that book to everyone she came in contact with to give them hope because it inspired her so. It brought me to tears to know she lost her battle but also because she thought so much of that compilation.

The visit to OSU Wexner was also an opportunity as my procedure was delayed an hour and I was already in the room and prepped. A nurse that I can only describe as an angel of sorts sat with me and talked for an hour as small close spaces are not my cup of tea. That hour tested my patience and sanity and she helped me hang on.

Today at noon my phone rang. It was a number from Columbus. It was my doctor. The results of the biopsy – not cancer. I’m not all the way out of the woods, surgery will be required. The mass is a ball of scar tissue from my major surgery and dead fat cells from my walking and losing weight. One of my friends poked me in the arm and said, “I told you that weight loss stuff is bad for your health.” Then she gave me a hug and we both cried.

There is hope and there is light. God is good.

Back to Columbus on Tuesday to make a game plan so that life can go back to “normal” whatever that may entail.

Out of my mind

June 18, 2014

To say I’m scared is probably an understatement.

Two weeks ago I completed my first Relay for Life Event and by 8 a.m. was feeling pretty drained – physically as well as emotionally. I went home and slept the day away. I got up in the late afternoon and could barely walk. I was stiff and sore and just didn’t feel well. I got a shower and went to work. My husband and son came to go to Millers Dutch Kitchen for our normal Saturday night feast. We went but I could barely eat. The pain in my lower right side was becoming almost unbearable. I took some pain killers and started to sweat and then shiver. I went home home early and straight to bed. It was all the strength I had to get up and go to work the next morning. I had two other places to be – a birthday party and a graduation party. I went to neither as I was convinced it was the flu or appendicitis. I finished up all my duties to make sure I didn’t burden anyone and went home. I asked my husband to take me to the ER.

First of all, me asking for such a thing is a weird request. We went and the doctor, albeit very nice, told me he thought it was a pulled muscle and gave me meds for my nausea as when I’m in pain I’m nauseous. I went home, ate because of the meds and went to bed. The next morning it was worse. I went to my family doctor who scratched her head as well. She ran some tests and gave me meds and sent me for ultrasounds. The ultrasounds couldn’t be done for, in one case a week and the second one would be 10 days until I could be fit in. I got the prescriptions filled and hoped it would get better. It didn’t. The pain increased. There were lots of ideas as to what was wrong but nothing to fix it.

Last Wednesday night I couldn’t take the pain any more as lifting my leg to get into the car as the driver was off the charts as it jarred my lower right side. At first I think the ER thought I was one of those looking for pain pills junkies. However, the doctor listened and ordered a CT scan despite the ultrasounds being clear. They did some blood work and got an IV going with anti nausea and heavy duty pain killers. When Morphine only takes the edge off the pain you are in — it could be a sign.

Alas CT scan was performed and we heard lots of hoopla and consults. There is a mass about the size of a large orange on my lower right side in front of my appendix. They don’t believe it is attached to anything. At first they speculated it was a hematoma. However, that is no longer the logic. I visited a local surgeon the following day after being released with pain killers and lots of antibiotics. The surgeon told me I should go see my doctors in Columbus.

I was at The James yesterday. Dr. Silani really is incredible. She gave me a short list of options that it could be — including a recurrence of cancer. She gave me a plan. She gave me a little hope.

Now I wait for OSU Wexner to call to tell me when to be there for a biopsy. Three business days after the biopsy we will know what we are dealing with and will react accordingly. If not cancer, it could be an infection. If not either of those it could be scar tissue from my original surgery.

Until then I plan to keep life as normal as possible. Working today, then appts for Jason and errands and then home to relax and put my feet up.

I’ll post more when I know more.



Sounds like a great title for a book if you ask me.

Its true though — hormones or in my case lack there of and the pitfalls of emotions that come from that aren’t for the faint of heart. Things that would have normally not bothered me at all now hurt as much as stepping on a Lego in bare feet. We all know that pain — it hurts like the dickens. You think you broke your foot. There are tears. There is agony. You sit down. You examine the foot and find its not broken. You rub it a little and viola — the pain is gone.

That is kind of how my heart and head feel. I don’t want people to feel like they are walking on eggshells around me so I do my best to conceal my shorter than normal fuse and easily hurt feelings. However, that builds up and spills over at the most inconvenient times! Take for instance yesterday, an email that would have normally just been shrugged off because someone was upset for a headline that we didn’t write as it was in another paper, actually brought me to the point of tears.

Seriously, that’s not me.


Couple all that is on my platter with my first sixth month follow up in few hours and I’m literally a mess. I have all my work things done. I brought hone busy work as I know sleep will not be easy tonight.

On the plus side, Rob is driving and Jason is coming along in the event I feel up to scoping outsome shopping venues after being a human pin cushion. We don’t have to be there till 11 so hopefully the fog will have burnt off by the time we hit the road,

I keep praying for peace and calm…so far so good.

Confusing times

February 27, 2013

So I’m a ball of emotions. The meds for hot flashes give little relief. A combination of natural meds are giving me an edge on insomnia at least in terms of getting to sleep. However, I wake up at 3 a.m. and sit on the couch and usually cry myself back to sleep by 5 a.m. out of frustration. 

I get tired easily but I keep pressing forward. I tell myself — you can do this. The more hours I work the more tired I am so it is finding the new normal of getting everything done I used to do. 

Physically there are still some aches and pains. Emotionally is where the hormone thing is still kicking my tail feathers. I asked God the other day as I sat in the car for just some feeling of normal and very swiftly tripped over thin air, hit my head on the car and bit my tongue. (I think God and His sense of humor are sometimes not so amusing — however that action and the subsequent events were “normal” for me so perhaps one should be careful what we pray for?)

Sometimes it feels like I’m teetering on the brink of meltdown — and most of the time its about things that would not matter to me normally. Take for instance last night, I was doing my hair because a quick afternoon nap left it a little strange looking. The propellent in the can of hairspray ran out before I ran out of product. I literally stood there and cried. I have a pump bottle of hairspray so it really wasn’t a big deal. Today the rain did its own number on my hair and I could care less. Yesterday it was a “hair emergency” and I’m not that type of girl. I don’t do makeup. I don’t primp. I am me – take me as I am.

Speaking of hair, I’m thinking a day at the salon sounds kind of good. Relaxing and letting the Great Brittany do her thing…some color…some texture or maybe a perm because my cute curls seem to be hiding. I’ve always wondered what I’d look like with tiny springy curls. At this point I’m over 60 percent gray on top…that is depressing. In fact I went to meet a local congressman for the first time today and he pegged me for being in his generation. I almost cried on the spot.

So right now I am very confused. The hormones are all over the place and I feel like a stranger in my own skin. 

My prayer every night is to find the good in the day ahead and lean on that to get through everything that comes my way. Today, I got out these scented sticks called, “Scentsicles” that are actually meant to be hung in an artificial Christmas tree to make it smell real. I have two of them in a glass votive on my desk. It smells like Christmas in here and so far that has made a world of difference. I take a deep breath of pine in and let the stress release with every exhale.

Onward and upward friends, right? I hope so. More blood work next week. I laughed and said that a year ago this time I was getting blood hand over fist. It is a good feeling to know that I am not in need of liquid gold, I mean blood, anytime in the near future.



The little things

January 30, 2013

My vacuum and I have been separated for over a month. I tried to get it out last week but that hurt. I got it out today using different muscles and found that rolling it didn’t hurt. I plugged it in and took it for a spin in a small section of the living room. I lasted about 3 minutes. It was so mind-clearing though. I missed having that noise and vibration in my hand that made the world disappear. I could think completely clearly without any outside issues. There were no stories about zombies of asking for definitions of flying terms from Jason. The cat was quiet. The dog was sleeping and Rob was still at work. For those three minutes I felt normal. I know it probably sounds horrible but we all have our things that help clear our head and for me vacuuming is the trick.

Of course turning it off I had to figure out how to roll up the cord. Thankfully Jason was nearby and was able to lend a crutch to the situation.

I have been working to do more and more every day but still feel so far away from being completely normal and myself again. The meds to help with hot flashes etc aren’t exactly doing anything other than giving me more pains than I care to have. However, I promised to give it a few weeks but so far no such luck.

I have been researching natural estrogen replacement that you get in foods you eat. I’m thinking that could be a great answer and something I can do myself. It’s worth a shot anyway because I don’t like feeling strangely. There are times I will stop and look at how I’m reacting to something even simple and wonder where that came from. Take for example yesterday I went to the doctor for a sinus infection/ear infection issue and there was enough room to park the truck but not open a door because someone parked on an angle. I was ready to lose my cool over it and then I took a deep breath and realized someone was leaving and I could take their spot.

I took a deep breath and waited and pulled in. It took me almost five minutes just to put myself back together.

I wouldn’t have normally reacted like that with going over the deep end so quick. I was sitting there in tears and trying to figure out what to do aside from not opening a door and being all Dukes of Hazard or something and crawling out the window.

Yesterday I literally had a panic attack when I fell down and actually got stuck in the mud in my own driveway. I sat there in tears because as hard as I tried I couldn’t get up and out of the mud as it kept sucking me back in. Simple physics could have come to my rescue but I simply got frustrated which did me no good. Thankfully the mud was soft so I didn’t hurt myself and it was warm so being cold was no big deal. When I came back inside Jason offered me a crutch if it would help me. He is so sweet.

So the vacuum was a big deal for me. That was time I always looked forward to because I could be at one and there were no roadblocks to my path of mental clarity.

Jason had tutoring last night and then it was time to put dinner together. A wonderful friend held a party and made meals for us that are easy to just put in the oven after they are defrosted or in the crockpot in the morning. That is a blessing as this girl is more tired each day as I try to get back to normal.

I talked to a woman I met while I was doing pre-op tests who had the same surgery as I did but later that day. She too is healing but she is still not able to get around without help and hasn’t been out of the house except to go to the doctor. It put things in perspective for me — I am in control of how I act. God is in control of my recovery. I have to work hard but not too hard and that is a very fine line.

Friends invited me to an exercise class —sweatin the 80s or something like that. I want to go but I don’t want to over-do it. So I think I will wait a bit on that invite. Maybe start out a little more slowly on my walking routine. I put in a mile and a half yesterday and my knees are yelling just because they aren’t used to it and I certainly didn’t have my tennis shoes on.

So getting used to the “new normal” is a bit harder than I thought it would be mentally. I so terribly want to just do what I used to be able to do but know you have to put one foot in front of the other. I felt useful when taking care of most of the laundry on Sunday but have been sore ever since — you don’t realize the movements you make when doing household chores until you have to teach yourself to do them again.

Last night I tried to relax with my family after dinner and watch a show. However, my inner ear fluid wouldn’t hear of it as I got a bit dizzy watching cars drive in what felt like circles. I have missed out on a lot of these in the past few years because I was always at work or at this meeting or that meeting. However, now that I can work from home much easier than ever before, I have the option of using my sleepless nights to get things done instead of working late and missing out on time at home.

My prayers have shifted to focus on Jason as he needs to get better. The doctors met this morning and we were talking about surgery as the best option because he is just not healing and is still in pain. We are 6 weeks from the injury tomorrow and he still has pain and swelling if not elevated and taking meds. At least his school work is going well which is a blessing. He gets so excited to be doing his school work. Sometimes though I think the meds get the better of him and his answers a bit off in left field. Case in point he took a test last night while the tutor was at the house — and he looked back on an answer he gave to a definition question and realized he really didn’t answer it. We meet with the team on Friday morning at 8 a.m. and they will tell us what they are going to do. From what I understood from the nurse who called this morning their plan is to possibly rebreak what did attach and pin the bone together. I’m not sure how they do that but I will know by Friday as research is my thing. She explained that if the doctors decide to do that they would fit us in on Saturday morning at Akron Children’s Hospital and he would be able to go home later that day as long as there are no complications. She explained that physical therapy would be required and they would come to our house. How long it takes to recover depends on the patient and the outcome of the surgery. I’m scared.


Clean bill of health

January 23, 2013

Yesterday was a crazy kind of day.

The cold wind stung my face when I went out the front door and made my way to the car. I actually put my purse in the back seat and went back in to grab a different, warmer coat and thicker gloves for the drive to the Stephanie Spielman Center in Columbus. I was tired. The last time I saw the clock on my tablet was 3:47 a.m. Rob woke me up at 4:32 a.m. I got cleaned up and dressed and we were on the road by 5 a.m., headed to Strasburg for gas and then down 77 to catch 70 to get into the heart of Columbus during morning rush hour as my appointment was at 8:30 a.m.

I slept a good bit of the way thankfully but was awakened by some sudden stops and jerks of the car that sent my pain level  up to 10 a few times. The traffic was bumper to bumper. I am not sure I wanted to awake to that. Rob seemed cool and collected behind the wheel despite the idiots and going from cruising along to absolutely standing still for a minute then going 10 miles and hour only to come to a dead stop. We made it there in one piece and giggled about the sheer amount of salt that was on the parking lot. Apparently they were thinking there would be a lot of snow too!

We got inside the warm confines of the Spielman Center and checked in to wait for our turn with admissions. The process went quickly and easily and as luck would have it the same person who registered us on our first visit checked our insurance information etc yesterday. She was very kind and sweet. Soon we were on our way up to the second floor to Dr. Salani’s office. We checked in at 8 a.m. for the 8:30 a.m. appointment. I left my coat and purse and folders with Rob so I could get some hot chocolate and calm myself. When I came back, I sat down to wait. Within five minutes the nurse was there to escort me back for my vitals and to a room. I was excited that despite the lack of activity I had only gained four pounds. Woohoo I said to myself.

I was in a room in no time at all and talked with a nurse about the various aches and pains and how I handled the side effects of meds and such. My blood pressure was sky high. What does one expect after going through rush hour? However, she rechecked it a bit later and it was a bit lower albeit not my normal numbers, but then again who is totally calm when you are in an oncology office?

The nurses said the doctor would be in soon and they ushered in my husband who did his best to quell my nerves. A student doctor came in first to ask me 20 questions and we chatted for a bit. She left and came back with Dr. Salani in what seemed like just seconds. She gave me a hug and was so warm that I almost immediately started to cry thinking the absolute worst. She asked how I was feeling and listened, really listened. She said she was shocked that I have come as far as I have at this point. She couldn’t believe that I went back to work in a week. She congratulated me for championing my own recovery and kicking the narcotics as fast as I did. I told her it was out of necessity as how the meds made me feel was far worse than dealing with aches and pains.

We talked about all the glue that is still on my stomach and how taking it off often leads to bleeding because one has to scrub so hard. She sent the student doctor in search of adhesive remover in the cabinets. Dr. Salani sat down next to me and held my right hand and I almost lost it thinking this is going to be bad. Its the realist side of me. I stiffened and tried to stay calm with my ears open and listen. She said, “you don’t need further treatment.” I shook my head in disbelief. She said it again and went on to explain that the cancer was just 6 percent deep into the muscle itself and treatment isn’t event hinted about until you get more towards the 15 percent marker. The cancer that was there was slow moving, almost docile. However, there was a carcinoma found in a polyp that was inside the uterus itself. It was a nasty, fast-growing cancer that was completely confined to the polyp that was not ruptured in taking out the uterus. My lymph nodes were completely clear on the left side. She explained I would need check ups every six months for a bit just to make sure everything is okay.

She checked the lump in my left breast and declared it to infected hair follicles — probably from the surgery process itself where hairs were pulled out because of various leads that were in that area to monitor my heart. I took a big deep breath.

She checked all my incisions and after a quick look at my inside healing progress, told me I was doing great. I sat in some shock while they worked to see if the adhesive remover would do the trick and they agreed it would and gave me some to bring home to finish the job.

Dr. Salani sat down again and we talked about medicines. She gave me suggested doses for Vitamin C, Vitamin D and Calcium. Those will be supplements for sure at 1800 milligrams for calcium alone. However, we all know clumsy is my middle name so I need strong bones. She told me estrogen would stop the hot flashes but estrogen causes this cancer, so giving it to me is not an option. She offered an anti-depressant that in 80 percent of women stops the hot flashes. I took a deep breath and agreed. My hot flashes are more like hot days and last anywhere from 12 to 36 hours at a time. One started during a banquet last night and even the brutal cold of the night didn’t give me relief!

She left me to get dressed and I almost cried. I was a bit clumsy but got dressed and was soon walking down the hall towards the scheduling office with the student doctor and Rob. I stopped in my tracks and asked the student doctor, “When can I vacuum?” She thought about it and we stopped in Dr. Salani’s office and talked to her for a few more minutes. She said I could start with a small corner but not to overdo it. I do my best thinking and brainstorming while vacuuming. Rob joked he would need to wash the filters first which makes the vacuum unusable for at least 24 hours.

For the record I got the vacuum out this morning and just getting it out gave me pain, so I put it back in tears. I am frustrated with things like that. I terribly want to make a batch of cookies or a cake but those motions hurt. The simple things like making a meal for my family is painful. I can make calculated movements and really simple stuff, but more often than not there is pain involved or I need Rob to put things in and out of the oven because I haven’t perfected bending and lifting anything at all. I know it takes time and I keep reminding myself — you had major surgery one month ago. You’ve come a long way baby…but I want “normal” and it is taking all the patience I have to remember and to go slow and to accept there are still a long list of things on my “not gonna happen” list. Even lifting my camera bag for work is technically on the do not do list because of the weight.

We made an appointment for July 23 and we were back in the car in a flash. I started making calls and sending texts and posted to Facebook. The responses made me cry. I too, have thanked God over and over again. I get a second chance at life. This has been a heck of a ride. I look back to this time last year I was having my 6th blood transfusion in three days to ready me for surgery to try to figure out why the bleeding wouldn’t stop. Look at me now — I’m sitting here, breathing and taking a deep breath and thanking God for getting us to this point. I feel good. I’m not great but there are a lot of limitations on my abilities at this point. I know my body well enough to know when to rest and relax. I won’t be pulling my 60 hours in the office for a while and am thankful to be able to work from home where I can be in my pjs and slippers and be reclined if need be so I can write and get done what I need to do.

Somehow we got lost in Columbus and not in a good way. Rob kept driving and eventually we got to a where we could get back on 70 and head out of town towards home. The pain was getting intense so I asked if we could stop to eat so I could take some pills. I have learned taking pills on an empty stomach will cause more pain than it relieves — the hard way. We stopped and enjoyed a nice breakfast for lunch together — the first in quite some time. It was quiet and the food was good. We sat and talked about things to do because we didn’t plan much for the coming months as we weren’t sure how radiation and I would react and what the schedule would end up being. Now without that in the picture, our focus is getting me back into shape and getting Jason better because there is an aquarium I have wanted to visit since it opened and haven’t done so because of all the fears of travel and the pain and the bleeding and such.

We drove home, picked up my new prescription, Effexor,  and I started reading the side effects. I hope it works and that I don’t experience the effects. Time will tell. I took one last night and nothing at all — no relief. I think, however, that drugs like that take time to build up to provide relief or at least that is my hope. Jason was happy to see us. We spent the afternoon just relaxing and breathing. It has been a week since I’ve really been able to sleep so I’m thankful to have slept a little bit on the car ride down yesterday as even last night sleep wasn’t within reach.

Soon it was time to get ready for the annual Tusc. Chamber of Commerce Banquet and Rob and I got ready. It was still cold outside but we drove to New Phila and enjoyed a wonderful evening. I got to see so many of my favorite people and wished I could have hugged more of them. I learned that my one armed hugs may have to do for a while because two armed hugs are possible but leave me a bit sore later on…but its a sore I wouldn’t trade for anything. There are so many people to thank that the list would be longer than I can imagine. I have to say thank you to everyone who prayed with us, hoped with us and has lent their help and support to us. I don’t know that I can ever repay you guys. I know there is a still a road of recovery ahead so I have to go slow. Be proud of me that I haven’t gone back to my crazy schedule every day. I’m doing my best to moderate.

So here I am, getting ready for a few hours at the office and then home to relax and rest.

Love you guys.