December 18, 2012

This morning I was getting ready for work and doing my hair — wrist deep in mousse when the phone started ringing. The talking caller id said, “Call from Garaway Local Schoooooo” and I stopped dead in my tracks. I start searching for the phone and got it at the same time it went to voicemail. There was no message. I ran to the bathroom and washed my hands and grabbed my cell as it was ringing and there was a message to call the office ASAP.

I called.

Our receptionist indicated that my son Jason hurt his knee at school. I took a deep breath and said, “Okay, its not the flu. You can do this. It’s just a sprain.” As I get closer to cell service, I called the school to tell them I’m on my way and they said something about his ankle. I took a deep breath again and thought okay we can deal with this…probably just a sprain.

I parked and literally sprint as fast as I sprint anyway in dress shoes into the building and find him sitting there with ice on his foot. Not his ankle — his foot. The protrusion at the side reminded me of a break on his left foot almost two years ago that happened while playing basketball at recess.

Guess what…he was playing basketball in gym class this morning!

After Garaway’s head football coach helped a girl out and carried my son to my car, off to Dover we went. I called our orthopedic doctor and got no real answer other than “I will put a note in for the doctor on call who won’t be in until 1 p.m.” and was told to go to First Care. So we went,  however, after getting into the building — and seeing all the sickness, we left and scrubbed everything in the process. Remember, surgery is Friday, I can’t get sick.

We took a drive by Mercy and the parking lot was the indication of more sickness.

I looked at Jason and said I want to be treated like a real person and not a number which happens in the Emergency Room. We went to Pomerene where a friendly, familiar face, Candy who was the nurse for Dr. Schultz when he was in Sugarcreek greeted us at the door. They treated us like the only people there despite there being plenty of people all over the place.

The room we were in…that was a hard one as it was the room I was in with my dad on his last trip to the ER seven years ago. I remember that night like it was yesterday and I remember what he said to the doctor and to me — “love me while you have me.” Those words and that room haunt me. It was no different today. I suppose we could have asked for a different room but how do you explain that…so I didn’t ask. I just swallowed hard. And when a man was rolled into the next room that looked like my dad and had every sign of Congestive Heart Failure I thought I was going to lose it. I asked God why on earth and prayed for strength because I thought I was going to come apart at the seams at any moment. Waiting there when they took Jason to xray was probably the most painful thing I’ve been through in a long time. I just sobbed.

Thankfully Jason was back in 20 minutes and I was able to pull it together.

The result of the visit — my stay at home nurse is now in need of a nurse. Bad break on the outside of his right foot. The exact same injury he experienced almost two years ago on the opposite foot. We got a temporary cast and instructions to call for a permanent cast by Thursday or Friday. I told them it would be Thursday and I’m still waiting for an appointment time. The ER doc noted it was a bad fracture and from looking at the pics on the cd they sent us with of the xrays, I agree. Huge break as opposed to the one he had in the other foot. It is just his make up in how his feet are combined with a growth spurt that made him at risk and it happened. At least 8 weeks with no weight bearing ability. Probably go to a walking cast then a boot and hope it heals because otherwise its surgical options with screws and such.

So I got Jason home and in the house…although I don’t know that I remember how. He is a trooper and managed the wet and slick steps and walkway. He nearly fell a few times as he lost his footing but he made it. I got him some food and fun and left for work.

In truth though I went to Winesburg for about 20 minutes. I went to the graveyard which, for the record, is very wet because of the rain. It was pouring. I got out of the car and crouched next to my dad’s headstone and cried so hard I couldn’t breath. I begged him to come back and told him how much I need him and that I don’t know how I’m doing this without him. Yet I know my begging was for nothing. I asked that he and God watch over us because I’m at the end of the rope and I’ve been tying knots for a while now. I told him I just don’t understand. I told him that I loved him and got back in the car — completely drenched. My coat is still rather wet in the back seat of my car.

I came to work and remembered it was a construction zone. Migraine combined with all that noise and things that make the building shake and not able to take meds makes for one girl with a short fuse, no patience and a generally crummy feeling. I got my tasks done. I’m writing for release right now as fast as I can type and plan to get some more things done off my list before heading home. Tears are rolling down my cheeks and the music is cranked.

I am at a loss.

I believe in God’s plan, but I don’t know that I’m strong enough to endure this. Rob tells me that he thinks he sprained his ankle on Saturday to top off my day.

I was talking to my mom earlier and I was crying. She told me I’m the strongest person she knows when I shared the story of the hospital room and says she has faith in me and in God…that this will be okay.

I’m scared though. I’m scared of all the unknowns. Yet I have so much to get better for and to live for. This surgery is what I need to make sure I’m okay so that Rob and I can see Jason graduate and spoil our grandkids someday.

So I’m working tonight and pretty much the rest of the week minus whatever time Jason needs from me so that I’m caught up, ahead and ready to take some time off so I can heal so I can take care of my family.

Perhaps this whole broken foot thing is a blessing though — Jason isn’t at school and can’t bring home the flu bug. I’m sure though it has something to do with teaching me to ask for help — as my idea of “asking for help” was to rely on Jason a whole bunch after surgery. That’s no longer an option.

I looked at him this afternoon and said we will be quite the duo. Rob called us his couch surfers. I have a feeling there will be many days and nights of video games in my future as Jason will insist I play…even though I’m terrible.

But maybe that’s it — God’s teaching me more about time with Jason. I’m sure we will be inseparable during our recovery time. The joke is that since neither of us will be able to vacuum we need to get a robotic vacuum so the cat can chase it around. I’m afraid if I start laughing though I’ll be in a world of hurting after surgery. Perhaps I can look at snicker or write LOL on a dry erase board.

So add Rob to the prayer list as he is the one man everything in our house for the next few weeks. And for those who have offered help, expect the phone to ring, Jason and I may been putting some of you on speed dial!

In the mean time, I am doing my best to keep my head on straight and relax but this is hard. Its 11 p.m. now and I realize I haven’t actually eaten today. I had a sugar free vanilla iced coffee this afternoon thanks to my boss and a few little pieces of candy. No wonder I feel so terrible.

Going home to snuggle up into a ball and hope to sleep.

6 Responses to “Tears”

  1. Carol Worrell Says:

    Beverly, Please add me to your list of people to call. I absolutely love to cook and I am a fairly good housekeeper, and I will try my best to help you and your family get through this trying time. So I am volunteering to run errands, cook, clean, etc……whatever you tell me that needs done…I will give it a try. My number is in the phone book and I am the only one listed under my last name.

  2. Suzanne Stauffer Says:

    Bev, call me too. I’ll do what I can as well. So many people love you and are sorry for all that’s happening to you and your family right now. I think it’s like the story of the footprints in the sand–maybe you need to be carried fhrough this right now. You know that you’re in our prayers!

  3. Julie Rose Says:

    Wow…another storm in Bev’s already stormy world. I love how you’re seeing some positive in all this. You’re a good woman because you know you’re in God’s palm.

  4. Byron Berger Says:

    hang in there

  5. Diana Youngen Says:

    Bev. I want to find my magic wand and wave it over your family. I don’t understand why you have to go thrum all this. Remember you and your family are loved by so many. Diana

  6. Aunt Karen Says:

    I know what you are thinking…why me…what next…everything happens for a reason…that is just what I told myself yesterday. I will share that story with you sometime. Please take some time for yourself. I know this is hard, but you need to take it easy. Give us a call, we will help you if we can. Remember, all you need to do is just call us. We love you and we are praying for you, Rob and Jason.
    Take care. Talk to you soon,
    Aunt Karen and Uncle Stan

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