Oh what a feeling – literally

January 4, 2013

So my crash course today was that first of all I stink when it comes to knitting. My Aunt Kathy came to spend part of the day with Jason and I as her entertainment. I get how the movements should be made and I can do that but somehow I keep adding stitches. I started out with 8 on the needle and ended up at one point with 17! So my Aunt cast on some more stitches and I had a base of 12 and hope to make a scarf. I went from having really loose stitches to ones so tight I couldn’t get the needle in to work and of course somehow managed to add a few here and there. I ripped out a few rows and decided to start again another day and ice my thumb as I gave myself a blister. Seriously I thought knitting was to be relaxing!

Last night the warm fuzzies returned and not in a good way. I was literally ready to go sit on the porch even though it was 6 degrees in shorts and a tank top to cool off. I went through 6 months of this while on Lupron but I don’t know that it was this bad. The sweating and heat is almost constant as is the urge to cry on the drop of a dime about nothing. Lasagna fell off my fork at supper and you would have thought the world was coming to an end. Looking back it was silly but I was in tears. Jason and I had cookies and milk for an afternoon snack as I will get more calcium and so will he one way or another and we had some dribbles of milk on the table and I lost it and started crying. Seriously crying over spilled milk is not me. Jason had indigestion after dinner and I was just sure it was the stomach virus although I couldn’t figure out how he would have gotten it as he hasn’t been anywhere at all in weeks. It passed and he was fine. Now I have heartburn which added to this lovely insomnia makes for one happy girl…note the sarcasm. Perhaps that is why I got so much sleep after surgery until now — because my body knew insomnia was forthcoming. I really do try to find the silver lining.

I know all this junk is related to the new lack of hormones but geesh. I was hoping for a little more gradual than constant hot flashes and feeling like a raw bundle of nerves. Unfortunately the “happy pills” they can give you for such things are known to lead to more problems for cancer patients so I know they aren’t an options. Making some calls in the morning to get a friend of mine who deals with natural products to make up a list of what he did for me when I was on Lupron that was helping towards the end so he can email it to my doctor and get her stamp of approval in hopes that I can start to feel okay again.

So today is the day for Jason’s check up with the orthopedic doctor. They have been absolutely slammed this week because of the snow and ice with people and broken bones. I called them Wednesday to ask them to fax a paper to the school and when I checked yesterday they hadn’t done that yet. Perhaps they can give me the paper while we are there and I can fax it myself. My prayer is that its a good report and there are signs of healing. If there aren’t signs there is a possibility for pins and surgery and 12 weeks in a cast. I have been praying that things are going to be okay.

I did get my check up with The James reset so that Rob can be there for the following Tuesday, Jan. 22 at 8:30 a.m. The time is not ideal but we will make it work. That night is the annual Tusc Chamber Banquet one of my fave events of the year. Last year it was the night before my first surgery in hopes of figuring out my constant bleeding. I ended up with 6 blood transfusions before the hospital would allow my doctor to operate. I actually went to that event with a port still in my arm from a transfusion that day that was covered and bandaged and padded. In fact it was so padded and hidden under my long sleeves that I couldn’t even cut my own food. Rob did his best to get all the adhesive off of my hands with Goo Gone that my skin started to turn white during the event as they dried out from the cleaner. He also cut my food for me that night. What a night that was. So it will be a year to the day that this journey began when I find out how we will proceed.

I’m having OCD like moments about putting the living room back in order and putting the Christmas stuff away. I enjoy the lights but need a semblance of normal to return to the house. I am a creature of habit and just need things to be normal so perhaps I can feel at ease. We got things put away on New Years Day and I cleaned Jason’s room which made me feel better, but I want to put furniture back in its place and feel like there is more room in the living room when we put things back where they belong. Although I won’t be doing it as the lifting required is out of my realm of possibilities so this means I need to ask Rob really really nice to take apart the tree and put it away and put the living room back. We should also probably undecorate the porch but I really like the lights at night. They are so bright that you don’t need additional lights in order to see to get to the porch.

So that is today in a nutshell. I tried a few remedies for this heartburn and no luck. So perhaps sleep will gift me with a few more hours before dawn because I have a lot to do later today.

– Bevieboooo


One Response to “Oh what a feeling – literally”

  1. Hang in there, dear Bev! I’m so sorry for all the unpleasantness. I would agree that crying at the drop of a hat is not you and I’m sure it’s not fun. Perhaps the natural remedies will be approved by your doctor and those will help till you can see him. Thinking of you. And thanks for sharing!

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