Confusing times

February 27, 2013

So I’m a ball of emotions. The meds for hot flashes give little relief. A combination of natural meds are giving me an edge on insomnia at least in terms of getting to sleep. However, I wake up at 3 a.m. and sit on the couch and usually cry myself back to sleep by 5 a.m. out of frustration. 

I get tired easily but I keep pressing forward. I tell myself — you can do this. The more hours I work the more tired I am so it is finding the new normal of getting everything done I used to do. 

Physically there are still some aches and pains. Emotionally is where the hormone thing is still kicking my tail feathers. I asked God the other day as I sat in the car for just some feeling of normal and very swiftly tripped over thin air, hit my head on the car and bit my tongue. (I think God and His sense of humor are sometimes not so amusing — however that action and the subsequent events were “normal” for me so perhaps one should be careful what we pray for?)

Sometimes it feels like I’m teetering on the brink of meltdown — and most of the time its about things that would not matter to me normally. Take for instance last night, I was doing my hair because a quick afternoon nap left it a little strange looking. The propellent in the can of hairspray ran out before I ran out of product. I literally stood there and cried. I have a pump bottle of hairspray so it really wasn’t a big deal. Today the rain did its own number on my hair and I could care less. Yesterday it was a “hair emergency” and I’m not that type of girl. I don’t do makeup. I don’t primp. I am me – take me as I am.

Speaking of hair, I’m thinking a day at the salon sounds kind of good. Relaxing and letting the Great Brittany do her thing…some color…some texture or maybe a perm because my cute curls seem to be hiding. I’ve always wondered what I’d look like with tiny springy curls. At this point I’m over 60 percent gray on top…that is depressing. In fact I went to meet a local congressman for the first time today and he pegged me for being in his generation. I almost cried on the spot.

So right now I am very confused. The hormones are all over the place and I feel like a stranger in my own skin. 

My prayer every night is to find the good in the day ahead and lean on that to get through everything that comes my way. Today, I got out these scented sticks called, “Scentsicles” that are actually meant to be hung in an artificial Christmas tree to make it smell real. I have two of them in a glass votive on my desk. It smells like Christmas in here and so far that has made a world of difference. I take a deep breath of pine in and let the stress release with every exhale.

Onward and upward friends, right? I hope so. More blood work next week. I laughed and said that a year ago this time I was getting blood hand over fist. It is a good feeling to know that I am not in need of liquid gold, I mean blood, anytime in the near future.




One Response to “Confusing times”

  1. Hang in there Bev, hormones aren’t for

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