Coming Out of the Woods

July 1, 2014

As I began writing this I’ve been “not feeling well” for a month.

I have visited the ER – twice. I have seen my family doctor. I visited a surgeon. I went back to the doctors in OB Oncology at The Stephanie Spielman Center in Columbus as part of The James and Ohio State University. I was at OSU Wexner Medical Center last Thursday for a biopsy of a mass in my abdomen.

My hope and prayer has been we will have an answer as to what “it” is and that will trigger a treatment plan. My doctor told me it would be three business days, not including the day the procedure takes place to hear results.

I don’t know that I’ve ever been so scared. Yes, there is a possibility that this is cancer again in a different form. There is a small chance it’s an infection of some sort or scar tissue of some nature. Those are three options on the table.

Waiting to find out which one has been precarious thus far. It has let me do a lot of thinking. I realized this “pain” has actually been around for more than a month but I brushed it off as getting older. It started in April when I first started my walking routine back up for the spring. My hip would throb after I was done. I’d take a Tylenol and it would vanish by the end of the day. I never thought twice about it. I wish I would have – maybe we could have found “it” earlier and it would change the outcome.

I’ve never scaled my life as far back as I have in the past month. I’ve barely covered the basics. My husband and son have been saints. They have taken up all the slack at home and yet both take the time to sit and talk to me and make me not feel like a human pin cushion despite my feelings to the contrary. Even when it hasn’t been easy – they are there and in with both feet.

God knows that patience with things involving me is not my forte. I’ve gotten better but this is pushing every ounce of constraint I have to not call every hour to see if my results are in.

Yet as many situations have taught me — everything happens for a reason.

The second visit to the ER resulted in me meeting a nurse who was going through the tests to determine her own cancer status. Seeing the fear in her eyes helped me to see past my own fear and pain to reach out to her and offer an understanding that no one else could have offered her at that moment.

I came into the office one evening to a voicemail from the daughter of a woman named Linda who I corresponded with during my first cancer walk. She was one of the reasons I put together “50 Shades of Hope – Cancer Has Many Colors.” She was the first person I put together the series for in book form after it was done. She had helped her husband battle cancer a dozen times. She helped her daughter battle. She was diagnosed and that book helped her. Her daughter called and left me a message – telling me how much her mother showed that book to everyone she came in contact with to give them hope because it inspired her so. It brought me to tears to know she lost her battle but also because she thought so much of that compilation.

The visit to OSU Wexner was also an opportunity as my procedure was delayed an hour and I was already in the room and prepped. A nurse that I can only describe as an angel of sorts sat with me and talked for an hour as small close spaces are not my cup of tea. That hour tested my patience and sanity and she helped me hang on.

Today at noon my phone rang. It was a number from Columbus. It was my doctor. The results of the biopsy – not cancer. I’m not all the way out of the woods, surgery will be required. The mass is a ball of scar tissue from my major surgery and dead fat cells from my walking and losing weight. One of my friends poked me in the arm and said, “I told you that weight loss stuff is bad for your health.” Then she gave me a hug and we both cried.

There is hope and there is light. God is good.

Back to Columbus on Tuesday to make a game plan so that life can go back to “normal” whatever that may entail.


One Response to “Coming Out of the Woods”

  1. Karen Baker Says:

    Hi Beverly,
    Glad you have the results back and now you can move forward with a game plan. I know first-hand how scary the waiting can be. Keep us posted.
    Hugs and Prayers,
    Aunt Karen

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