Here we go again

November 14, 2017

Well my mind is racing. My brain is fried. My eyes are heavy and there isn’t much I haven’t tried. Sleep eludes me tonight but with the list of things on my plate I suppose it is for the best. The song by Dolly Parton is playing in my head —“Here you come again, just when I thought…” That would be the story of my life right now.

Let’s back up to this summer. I was feeling fine. The scale was going in the right direction. My energy level was good. Yet, I’d get a catch in my hip when I’d “over do” it as I’m prone to doing. I’d take it easy for a day or two and I’d baby the hip and soon it was back to normal. Nothing to worry about I said. Just getting older I told myself.

Yet the pain was starting to rule my days and nights. Those who know me well know that my pain threshold is quite high so when you graduate from over the counter to mixes of over the counter and twice the recommended dosage of over the counter and then call for a script and get it filled only to take it and take some more I decided I was in trouble.

Trouble with a capital T to be exact. Scans. Check. More scans. Does that look like a ?? Yes, that’s a mass. A big black hole of a mass. Great. This isn’t happening. This is Jason’s senior year. I’m a senior football mom. I will not be stopped. Worse yet, the pain was because it was wrapping around my sciatic nerve. The more active I was…the worse the pain became.

The chemo they prescribed started off low and graduated with each dose. Twice a week for 8 weeks ending with Week 10 of Football Season.  Thanks to my family and close friends who got me through. One Friday night after a game, I was wiped out. My head was between my knees and the room spun. But I put the brave face on and did what needed to be done and cheered until the clock read 0:00.

By the end of the season I was tired but the pain was less. The meds had to be working.

Scans confirmed that thought as the mass was reduced by 75 percent over the past 8 weeks. The prescription is 12 more weeks of treatments but at just one per week.

I’ve chosen Wednesday afternoons for treatment that way if I need some recovery time I’ll be able to take it as these doses will all be equal to the strength of the final one I got in the first round. That one knocked me down a few pegs without a doubt.

I’m prepping and making lists of things I can do if I’m not feeling real well later in the week. I’m organizing lists of things that need done that I can ask others to help me with in case I need it. That is a hard thing for me to do—asking for help—I give it freely but asking for it…well..that’s another story. I would like to think I’m self sufficient. I’m a cat I guess you could say. I want things on my terms when I want it. Boy, God sure knows my heart there. I’m independent but if something is needed, don’t worry I’m there. I’ll pull you through, do whatever needs done to make dreams come true. But when it comes to accepting that from others…let’s just say I may need some catnip.

I was reading in my devotional this morning about being stubborn. Yes, that is my middle name at times. Okay, so more often than not…lol. My husband can tell you all about how stubborn and iron-willed I can be. Yet our cat can tell you what a softie I can be. Now our son, he can tell you I’m both things.

So here’s to starting over again…let’s do these next 12 weeks which will take us to the last week of January 2018. If this round goes as well as the last, the next set of scans should be a piece of cake. I won’t say it is going to be an easy gig but it will be worth it.

I sat and ordered Jason’s cap and gown today. Five year ago when the word cancer became larger than life for us, I was worried I wouldn’t see him graduate…but here we are.

God knows my heart. I’ve learned that things are on His time, not mine…even when I beg to differ…


One Response to “Here we go again”

  1. Carol J. Worrell Says:

    So sorry to read this Bev. If you need something, anything, please put me on your list of “helpers” and I will try to help . Eighteen years, I helped Ray with this darned disease, so I know that the days are Ups and Downs. Prayers for you ,Rob and Jason.

    Sent from my iPad


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